Culture shock is always expected when spending anytime in a foreign country, but I have to say that living and working in India has been harder to adjust to than any other country I’ve visited. Everything is different here from traffic to cuisine and sometimes it feels like even the simplest things are a big hassle. Here are some of the major cultural differences that I’ve experienced so far.
Family life
I’ve been here for 3 months now and have dated 3 different guys. The problem is for the most part the only purpose of dating here is to find a suitable spouse, get married, and have kids. It is what is expected of every Indian young adult. Needless to say, I have no interest in marriage or having more kids. I have made that fundamentally clear to each guy I’ve dated. Still, I received a marriage proposal from one and an “I love you” text from another. Even if I were to reciprocate their feelings, it would never work. Their family would disown them because I’m twice divorced and wouldn’t produce children. So incidentally I’m treated like their dirty little secret, which doesn’t work for me. Most single men still live with their parents. Even after marriage, typically their wife moves into their multi generational home. If the adult child gets close to age 30 with no marriage the parents typically start shopping for a martial alliance (arranged marriage). On any date I’ve been on past 10:00 PM, their Mom starts calling about every 10 minutes! It’s very frustrating and my dates refuse to not answer the call. They live in constant fear and blatantly lie to their parents to avoid family conflict.
Language
Hindi is the national language but there are thousands of different dialects depending on what area they are from. Most Indians speak Hindi, English and their native language. However some less educated people don’t speak English much at all. That means that many of the working class (housekeeping, laundry, tuck tuck drivers, etc.) are very hard to communicate with. I have begun to write down simple words and phrases and study the language daily. I think it’s fun and the Indians seemed to be appreciative (if not entertained) by my efforts.
Food and eating habits
Indian food is delicious and spicy! The people here are divided into two groups; “veg” and “non veg”. That means vegetarian or carnivores. The majority are veg. Street food is abundant. It’s delicious and cheap! They typically eat with their hands using flat breads to scoop their food. The issue with that is I always get food under my fingernails and spend the rest of the day trying to pick it out. At the end of the meal they eat a little bit of spices, made of fennel and anise seeds, to freshen the breath and aid in digestion.
Bathrooms
I will never adjust to Indian squat toilets and wet bathrooms. Every toilet has a shower hose next to it for washing, not wiping. Toilet paper is not typically found in most public “wash rooms”. Now I know why they call it that! They wash everything after they go and dry nothing! Incidentally that means the floors are always wet. Often there are bathroom attendants that squeegee the floor after use. Also, the toilets don’t flush well so they often clog. Sometimes it is a squat style toilet, not an upright seat like we have in America. On road trips I have begun to limit my water intake so that I don’t have to use the public facilities.
5. Negotiation: Everything is negotiable here. In fact, it’s expected. It doesn’t matter if it’s a taxi ride, flight upgrade, rent payment or food purchase. These people negotiate everything! If you don’t negotiate they won’t respect you. The other day I found myself negotiating with a shop keeper to buy a scarf that was 150 rupees. I wanted it for 100. Then I realized I was arguing over about .40 cents USD. What is happening to me!!
Staring
Everywhere I go I get stared at. I’ve noticed that they don’t stare at other white foreigners as much as they stare at me. My Indian friends say that it’s my height and sense of style. “You are like a celebrity” Vilkap said when we were in Udaipur last weekend. Several Indians asked if they could take a picture with me. Sometimes it’s fun, but it also gets old. There are times when I just hide out in my room and don’t want to go anywhere because I get so weary of it.
All these things take some getting used to and you will find that the culture shock eases with time. Eventually you get used to things and settle into a routine. It took about 4 months for me, so be patient.
View Comments (8)
I really enjoy your blog Beth. India is on my list to visit some day and your stories, descriptions and photos tell of the big picture there. Nothing has disillusioned me, I tend to enjoy the developing countries most (though not sure about the pollution). Good for you to get out there and experience everything like you have, take it in. When I have a block of time I need to go back and read the blogs I've missed. I want to learn how to do a blog like this also!
सुरक्षित यात्रा
Thank you Pam! When you know you have a blog to write you tend to look at things a little harder, notice details you might not normally see.
Really enjoying your blog and getting another person's perspective after my trip there in Oct/Nov. Keep posting.
The hardest thing for me on the food was the unrelenting spiciness, even at breakfast. I'm an oatmeal and coffee for breakfast person, but hard to find that if you aren't staying at Western style hotels.
The photo thing is weird. There must be 100s of pictures of me on Indian Facebook from my trip. So many of the kids and families as I traveled around wanted to take a picture with the old white guy.
Lol! So true on both accounts! They even put spices in their cookies!
It does seem surprising that you draw stares and photo requests, given the long presence of the English in india. But, from what I've read, the English tended to stay in their European enclaves and didn't mingle much with the locals, and this was especially true for the English women. I tend to forget that part -- it's so hard to imagine being in such a different place and not wanting to explore it.
Have you had a chance to read any part of Passage to India yet? It is enlightening on this aspect of local history.
I've also noticed in our travels that many American tourists tend to be very fearful. The fact that you actually eat some street food may be unusual === do you see American tourists sampling street cuisine?
You are a true explorer. Your Mom would be proud of you.
Susan, thank you for saying that about my Mom. I think of her often here and wish she could visit! To answer your question, no I don't see westerners doing much outside of tourist activities and shopping at malls and big bazaars. I took my boss to my favorite little Indian plaza where I shop a lot for everyday necessities and she was fascinated. She said that she should have shopped their earlier. I haven't started on Passage to India yet, but I will soon! Thank you for the gift and I look forward to reading it!
Did the recent suicide of the university student from the Dalit (Untouchable) class result in any interesting discussions of the lingering caste system among your colleagues?
No. In fact I'm embarrassed to admit that this is the first I've heard of it!