I used to be success driven. I started babysitting when I was 12 years old, and I’ve worked two or three jobs at a time for most of my life. I worked hard and accomplished every goal I set. I had a luxury home, fast car, great kids, and a successful career as an executive. Yet, the harder I worked, and the more I accomplished, the more I wanted. It was never enough. That is the “success trap.” I was always reaching for the next big promotion or newest car. I eventually realized that there is no correlation between success and happiness.
I achieved many prestigious things, and yet my marriage was in shambles, my health was suffering, and I was still unhappy. Oh, I put on a good facade. People thought I was happy. I posted all kinds of pics of me having fun on social media, but at night, when I was alone and still, I felt empty.
Defining Success
My midlife crisis car. Want to buy it?
The Western idea of success is quite different than that of the East. In the West, we seem to associate wealth, accomplishments, and hard work with success. These sayings are a great example of our successful ideology. “Some people dream of success while others get up and work hard for it.” Here is another popular quote; “The key to success is hard work and determination.” We seem to think we can work our way to success. It’s the main reason that American’s work more hours than many other developed nations and are less happy than a lot of our foreign counterparts.
According to a recent report by Fortune Magazine, we rank 15 worldwide in the number of hours worked per week and the “World Happiness Report” ranks the U.S. as the 17th happiest country in the world. The main reason we are ranked low is due to health-related issues, such as depression, anxiety, and obesity, all of which are on the rise in America. It sounds to me that we are striving for success at the cost of our health and relationships. Perhaps it’s time to redefine our definition of success.
Hiking near Mt. Teide
In Eastern religions, success is defined as being in harmony with the environment and other people. Challenges, or suffering, is viewed as an opportunity to learn and gain valuable life experience. The nearer a person to gets to enlightenment, the happier the person becomes. In much of the East, success isn’t measured by material things but instead by respect, wisdom, and contribution. Buddha said, “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.”
How to Be Happy Versus Successful
So, how do you get off the hamster wheel of the success trap? How do find happiness? There are countless books on the subject, and in fact, I plan to write one myself in the near future. The most critical step is to redefine your definition of success. Realize that stuff doesn’t make you happy and career achievements only feed your ego. You need a personal paradigm shift and that generally takes a lot of time and effort. You must also unlearn a lifetime of brainwashing from the media.
One of many ashrams in Rishikesh, India
The journey to there from here is an exciting one. For many people, it includes getting healthy, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It means letting go of the things that create drama in your life and get in the way your happiness. Those things might be physical, such as alcohol or drugs, or you may need to sever relationships that don’t serve you. You will also need to fill your mind with positive things through reading, retreats, workshops or podcasts and stop filling your mind with the crap on television or social media.
Many of you right now are probably thinking to yourself that if you have to give up T.V, booze, and hours of mindless surfing the internet every day, forget it! You would rather be successfully unhappy! I’m not saying to go cold-turkey. Moderation is healthy, but eventually those 60 hour work weeks and buying so much stuff, will create health problems and make you feel miserable. You will wish you didn’t waste all those years striving to achieve goals that are a quick fix and don’t sustain happiness. I define success as living a happy, healthy, enriched life, but you must find your own definition, and your own path to reach it.