When I was a young girl, I dreamed of being an international best-selling author or a famous broadcast journalist. I wanted to be the next Joan London. Now, decades later, I’m a struggling writer trying my hardest to make a living as a freelance content writer and self-publisher. I teach yoga, provide in-home dog care, and am slowly building a following on my lifestyle blog.
My life has been full of ups and downs. I attempted suicide as a teenager. As an adult, I was a high paid expat in India. I’ve been a key-note speaker, and a nobody, working at McDonald’s. I’ve loved and lost, and at times have questioned the meaning behind it all. The one thing I now realize, and constantly remind myself, is to let go of expectations. My mom said it best, “Life is what happens while you’re making other plans.”
Expectations Lead to Disappointment
Buddhist believe that life is ultimately unsatisfactory. To suffer is the human condition. Whether or not you agree is irrelevant, there is truth in those words. Even the wealthiest and most powerful people have dark days. The Bible says that Jesus Christ felt abandoned as he hung dying on the cross. Perhaps it’s time to face reality. Life is not all puppies and rainbows, but the hard times do pass. Good times will return once again.
Allow Yourself to Feel
There is a school of thought that promotes nothing but positive thinking. We’ve all seen the memes telling us we can do anything we set our mind to, that we can manifest anything we want. Really? Like it or not, a paraplegic will not be able to manifest a career as a famous ballet dancer. What happens if we try to manifest something that isn’t meant to be? What if the lesson is not to change the situation, but to accept it?
Having strong feelings, whether good or “bad,” is all part of the human experience. We were given a body and mind for a reason. Spiritual Bypassing, or denying yourself the right to feel, is actually very dangerous. Denial can lead to physical and emotional stress. Instead, learn to express your feelings safely. Acknowledge your emotions and allow them to wash over you like a wave crashing onto the beach. It may feel overpowering at first, but it will recede. This too, will pass.
Learn to Let Go
I’m as positive as the next person, an optimist by nature, but sometimes life just hands you a shit sandwich. When someone tells you to “keep a stiff upper lip,” pay attention to your body’s physical reaction. Do you feel tight in your gut or a lump in your throat? Is your heart beating rapidly? If so, you probably need to allow yourself to feel those emotions before you can let them go. If it’s a problem that can’t be solved by you, then it’s probably a situation that must be surrendered.
The 14th Dalai Lama has said that he cries, and the Bible says that Jesus wept. He also had an emotional outburst in a synagogue after witness vendors selling goods there and turning it into entertainment. Even the most enlightened human beings have felt anger, sadness, and disappointment. The only effective way to deal with such strong feelings is to alter your expectations (or completely release them) and to allow yourself to deal with the emotions you experience safely.