Those of you that engage in online dating know how frustrating it is. It’s very much like job hunting. You reach out, or respond to others with similar interests, in hopes of finding that one in a million experience that will enhance your life. Along the way, you meet all kinds of people, waste tons of time and energy, all while trying to remain optimistic and handle the rejection and disappointment with grace. Well, I’ve had enough. After months of men behaving badly and online dating nightmares, I’m taking a break from the chaos. If the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result,” I’m going to stop the insanity.
The Ghoster
Looking good for his profile pic
Dave and I had three fantastic dates. I liked him, and I thought he liked me. We met on MeetMindful.com and seemed to have a lot in common. He was an entrepreneur and had traveled the world. We both had adult children and loved dogs. On our third date, he came to visit me for the weekend at the coast, and we had a lovely time. When he left, he gave me a long passionate kiss telling me how special I was to him.
Then I didn’t hear from him again for days, which turned into weeks. Seriously? When I did finally hear from him, it was casual, as in “What’s up? How have you been?” He never explained why he ghosted me. I told myself it wasn’t personal, maybe he was going through some sort of crisis, but some honesty on his part would have been nice. Men, don’t do this to a woman! Man up and tell her what’s going on.
Won’t Take No for an Answer
Frusteration with online dating
Recently I had another third date with a guy that I was beginning to like a lot. He was funny and very genuine. He told me intimate details about his past, making himself vulnerable, even discussing his fears. I found his emotional intelligence refreshing. Here was a guy that that knew the meaning of intimacy, or so I thought.
Unfortunately, I guess he thought that was his ticket to sexual intimacy. We were kissing on my couch when I told him I wasn’t ready to have sex with him. He said that was fine, but minutes later took my hand and put it on his groin! I held my temper and told him no again. We kissed a little bit more and then he tried to push my head down into his crotch! That was when our date ended! After he left, I broke down into tears, blaming myself for inviting him over. Did I give him mixed messages? Why, as women, do we blame ourselves for a man’s lack of self-control? It’s stupid, and I know better!
The Hypocrite
Joseph was a nice guy with a remote job that allowed him the freedom to travel. We had an instant connection. We both enjoyed meditation, yoga, and travel. He told me often how important spirituality is to him. He shared with me that he was dedicated to clean living, volunteerism, and promoting global peace. Then, on our second date, he proceeded to get completely wasted and make racial remarks about his daughter’s boyfriend. The behavior was utterly contradictory to everything he had told me about his values. I can’t respect or trust someone that can’t even honor their own words. Consistency is vital.
I could go on and on about online dating nightmares. I could tell you about “The Undecided,” who says he wants a relationship but then builds walls to keep it from happening. I could share stories about countless “Users” that only care about what they can get out of an encounter with the opposite sex, or a pretend relationship. I could tell you about “The Man Child,” social media predators, control freaks, and so many other disgusting examples of men behaving badly, but I’ll spare you the additional rant.
The problem with online dating versus meeting someone organically in your own neighborhood is that you aren’t personally vested. When you go out with someone in your community, you have to show common decency and respect to each other because you might bump into each other at the grocery store, and you probably know common people. But, when you meet someone online, who cares if it turns out badly?
I walk alone
It’s way too easy when online dating to just block their profile and move on to the next person. Swiping left and right gives us a false sense of power and importance. It feeds our ego and gives us a quick fix. I’ve had enough with the mind trip, games, drama, and hypocrisy. I’m taking it all as a sign from the universe that I’m supposed to be single, at least for now, and it feels empowering!