Making Friends in India

The One Word from a Hater in India That Sent Me over the Edge

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You know that old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”  Well, that’s bull shit!  The wrong words, at the wrong time, can be emotionally devastating. Even those of us that are often considered strong and independent have our breaking point. I’m no exception. As embarrassed as I am to admit it, I recently had one of those moments when just one word from a hater sent me into a tail spin that lasted for days.

 

It hasn’t been easy adjusting to all the cultural differences in India.  The fact is, as much as I try to learn and adapt, I’m still an outsider here.  I’m reminded of it every day when people stare at me like some sort of monstrosity or don’t understand what I’m saying. Even if they do understand me, they often don’t understand my intent. I am constantly misunderstood and judged. It has been far more difficult to make friends here than I ever imagined.  I have finally managed to make a handful of friends, but it’s still a huge challenge to try not to offend each other or misjudge the other person’s behavior. I have been trying very hard to not be overly sensitive to such things, but the other day a hater said something to me that felt like a punch in the face!  Here is what happened. 

15 Things Every Expat Should Know About Living and Working in India

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India is a fascinating country, full of geographic wonders, rich history, unique cultural experiences, delicious food and adventures of all kinds, both good and bad.  Almost daily someone asks me if I am enjoying my stay in India, and the truth is, sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t.  It depends on the day really. There is one thing for certain, if you are coming to India to work, be prepared for some serious culture shock!  Here are 15 things I wish I had known before coming here.

1. Workplace Culture:  Indian people are taught to respect their “seniors”.  Authority figures have tremendous power in India and their subordinates rarely question them. They typically do as they are told, no more and no less.  As a result, don’t expect your Indian coworkers or staff to speak up, give you great ideas or put in a lot of extra effort. On the flip side, they are a very social and hard working group of people and once you win their loyalty and respect they will work even harder for you.

2. Tardiness:  When we held our project kick off meeting everyone was late and we started an hour after it was scheduled.  I was horribly offended but soon learned that they mean no disrespect.  The traffic in India is atrocious (see number 3 below) and the simplest things (herd of cows in the road) can have a ripple effect that causes huge delays. The buses and trains are also often late for a number of reasons too which in turns causes their commuters to be late. In fact, I’ve yet to have a single interviewee show up on time for an interview. It’s just their culture.  If nothing else, India will teach you patience.